Among the Romani peoples of Europe, marriage traditions
vary with every tribe. Some allow courtship between couples. Others thrive on
arranged marriages. The Roma most often marry within their communities, their
tribes. However, there have been cases of Romani men marrying women from
outside of the Roma ethnic group. Heritage is traced through the father in Roma
society, and these outside women are usually permitted, especially if they
adhere to the Romani culture and beliefs. On the other hand, Romani women are
not allowed to marry outside men.
A common stereotype, as shown in the Romani proverb “As
soon as her feet reach the floor, she’s ready to wed”, is that the Roma marry
off their daughters at ridiculously young ages, even before she’s had her first
menstrual period. This is not true, although Roma are tutored to wed in their
mid-teens, between 14 and 16 years old. Being a virgin at marriage is key for
Romani women, bringing shame and bad luck to both her husband’s family and her
own should she be found out come the night of her wedding. After their wedding,
if a man is found to be unfaithful, there are no hard feelings, “it increased
the prestige of the man, and sometimes the wife would brag about it and use it
to demonstrate the quality of her husband” (romove.radio.cz 2000).
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The Romani engagement consists of the fathers of the
bride and the groom coming together to settle a bride price, more as
compensation for the father of the bride for losing a daughter than actually
buying the girl. There are two parts to Roma marriages: a ceremonial wedding
and a church wedding. The ceremonial wedding is headed over by the tribal
chief, and the couple drink liquor from each other’s hands before kissing. From
then, they are seen as husband and wife in Roma society. The second wedding
takes place in a couple of years, after the woman has proved herself fertile
and faithful.
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